1) Saying "Yes" Too Easily
It's not hard to admit, we are people pleasers. And when you're a people pleaser, it's almost impossible to say "no." When we first became missionaries, we literally said yes to anything, even if it made us feel overextended, or if it meant neglecting our own spiritual growth or marriage. This is totally wrong, and the Lord definitely taught us the importance of setting boundaries. When we used to say "yes" to absolutely everything, we were pulled in so many different directions, we weren't able to really give our all to anything. It also meant that sometimes we would agree to do something, and then have to back out abruptly, meaning our "yes" wasn't always our "yes." Proverbs 29:25 says, "The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe" (NKJV). Don't be afraid to say "no" sometimes. Trust in the Lord and make decisions based on Him, not the people around you.
-Emily
2) Saying "No" Too Easily
After recognizing that we needed to set some boundaries in our lives, we went the other extreme and started saying "no" to everything. We were so concerned about being overextended, we became reluctant to agree to anything. Now, we understand that it's good to be cautious, but it's also important not to lose sight of why we minister -- to serve! If we always say "no," that means we are also always saying "no" to serving others and doing what the Lord is asking us to do.
-Emily
3) Trying to Make Things Happen
I like to dream big. I love praying about and planning new ministry ideas. I think the Lord blesses that and continues to give me vision and hope for what's to come, but sometimes I get ahead of the Lord. I remember when we first arrived in Donetsk, I was so eager to get things rolling with the church plant. We had started a small home Bible study... so small in fact, it was usually only three people including Emily and myself. But I wanted to see the church have a location in the center of the city so that we could reach more people and be more available for ministry.
I spent 2-3 months searching for a location, becoming more and more frustrated as nothing worked out. Finally, the Lord got my attention and I realized that the Lord did give me the vision to get a church location, but I was trying to make it happen in my own timing, not in His timing. Once I gave that over to the Lord, I felt so relieved. The Lord assured me that He would provide everything that was needed for the church. A few months later, we were signing a lease for an office in the perfect location in the center of the city - totally from the Lord. "Man plans his ways, but the Lord directs His steps" (Proverbs 16:9). I've learned that the Lord wants us to run with the vision He has given us, but not to run ahead of Him. We are to run behind Him as He leads.
-Byron
4) Dwelling on Discouraging Thoughts
Anyone in ministry can testify that things are not always easy. Also, the mission field can be a lonely and discouraging place sometimes. We are removed from our familiar culture, home church, and family, not to mention the added difficulties from having a language barrier. The enemy loves to prey on us while circumstances are difficult, lonely, and frustrating. For me personally, discouragement is always knocking on my door in one form or another (See my post on discouragement: "7 Things God Has Taught Me"). But the Lord is teaching me to take every thought captive (See 2 Corinthians 10:4-6). When the attacks come, when the discouragement arises, it is time to press into Jesus that much more, continually looking unto Him, the author and finisher of our faith.
-Byron
5) Being Consumed By Ministry
In general, separating your work life from your home life is really difficult. As ministers, it can be even harder. When we first started serving in Uganda, I would come back from Island Ministry totally wrecked. It would take me days to recover from the things I had seen on the islands. Is it wrong that I was so deeply moved by the suffering I saw? No. But, it was totally unhealthy for me to let the things that would happen on the islands keep me from enjoying my husband, or from relaxing at home. I often feel so invested in ministry, I become consumed by it, even to the point that I can't sleep at night.
Just recently, I was really struggling with this, and Byron came up with the idea of "office hours." Basically, Byron and I realized that our relationship was all about ministry, and we rarely just enjoyed each others' company. So, we decided that after 7pm (with some exceptions!), we wouldn't talk about ministry anymore. We can tell each other praise reports, and things we were thankful for, or pray together about ministry, but overall, we try to give our burdens to the Lord, and focus the evenings on investing in each other. And seriously, you wouldn't believe the freedom that this has brought back to our marriage.
-Emily
6) Being Too Task Oriented
When we first arrived on the mission field in Ternopil, we made a schedule for ourselves, with working hours. 40-50 hours a week, like we were doing our jobs back in America. We soon realized that ministry and a different culture would not work with a set schedule like this. The reality was that some days, we spent all day at the market trying to find the one household item that we needed for repairs in the bathroom. Or other times, the buses were running slowly (or we got on the wrong bus) and it threw our schedule off for the whole day.
We learned that, especially in the first few years on the mission field, one of our main jobs was to learn how to survive. Learning a new language, figuring out the market, understanding public transportation, living in the new culture... this was all work. It was preparing us to be better equipped ministers down the road (And even today, we're still studying the language and trying to better understand the culture).
Ministry, especially on the mission field, isn't a cut and dry job. It's not all about the tasks we need to complete (although important). Sometimes, it's settling down to study the language or spending hours chatting with a babushka over tea. Be open to what the Lord has laid before you each day, even if it's not on your schedule or isn't textbook ministry.
-Byron
7) Being Proud/Critical
Pride is my biggest downfall, especially in ministry. It's so easy to want to take credit for someone getting saved, or for the awesome ministry event that just happened. My flesh loves to steal God's glory, and it's totally wrong and totally sinful. And because of that pride, it's easy to become critical. Criticism originates from pride. When we see other people's ministries, and we are caught up in pride, we start to think to ourselves, "Man, I could totally do that, and I could do it better!" But the Lord has shown me that these thoughts are sinful, and it's something I have to bring to the Lord regularly -- to ask Him to take my pride away and totally give Him the glory, and to not be critical of people around me. James 4:6 says, "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (NKJV). If you're a proud/critical person like I am, repent! Ask God to cleanse you, pray for grace, and that God would make you humble.
-Emily
8) "Muzzling the Ox"
In Deuteronomy, the Lord gives the command not to "muzzle an ox while it treads out the grain." The Lord is telling the people to allow the ox to feed on the grain while it's working. It's important to take care of the animal so that it can work. Paul and Timothy both speak about this command in the New Testament as well (1 Cor. 9:9 and 1 Tim. 5:18). This principal isn't just intended for oxen, but minsters as well. Ministers are to be supported by the people they minister to, or in the case of a missionary, to be supported by partners (home church, supporters).
While it is important to be good steward of what God has given us, early on, Emily and I went to extremes. We felt guilty every time we used the money on ourselves. No eating out, not dates, no movies, even buying meat felt too extravagant. Needless to say, this began to wear on us quickly.
Eventually, we were given the advice to not "muzzle the ox" - or in our context, it's okay as missionaries to have a budget for entertainment, eating out, or buying the more expensive meat that doesn't make you sick. I found eating out occasionally, or saving up to subscribe to MLB.tv, or buying a new book, are things that we can really enjoy and be refreshed by. Ministry is a non-stop job and it can wear on us emotionally, but these things help keep us fresh and focused on the work the Lord has for us. It's important to remain a good steward and budget carefully, but for us we see the value in spending money on ourselves here and there.
-Byron
9) Thinking Finances and Support are God's Voice
We've heard it said many times, "where God guides, God provides." And it's totally true. God will never lead us out onto the mission field and then totally abandon us. However, just because money is coming in, or there is a lack of money, doesn't necessarily mean God is directing you one way over another, solely based on your bank account. Living on support mean that sometimes a month is tight, while other months are above and beyond what we need. But regardless of where we stand financially, it is so important that we are hearing from God Himself.
We used to think that if our support runs out, then God is telling us to come home, or if our support is above what we need, God is telling us to expand the ministry. While these could be confirmations from the Lord, we can't rely on our financial status to solely assure us of our calling - Everything has to come back to the Word of God. "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God stands forever" (Isaiah 40:8, NKJV).
-Byron
10) Thinking All Open Doors are From God
We used to believe that every open door is from the Lord. Plain and simple, that's just not true. When we first came to Ukraine, we would often see different opportunities come along, and we would think, "Wow, it's an opportunity for ministry! This is totally from the Lord!" But now, looking back, we see how sometimes ministry opportunities came up to distract us from doing the things that we really needed to be doing. Not every open door is from the Lord. And not every closed door is from the Lord. The important thing is that we're trusting in the Lord and not leaning on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). And as we abide in the Lord, He will make it clear what doors we should be walking through, and often, it's one door at a time.
-Emily
11) Neglecting Personal Spiritual Growth
I believe this is the most important thing to remember, and my biggest mistake early on in ministry. With the demands of ministry, the exhaustion of language studies, and the time spend on marshrutkas (buses here in Ukraine), it's easy to push aside my devos. But this is the most important and precious time of the day. Taking care of my relationship with Jesus and spiritual needs are the best things that I can do for myself and for those I am ministering to.
Paul exhorts us when he says, "Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1, NKJV). We are to imitate Christ, but how can this happen if we have a distant relationship with Him? Jesus is our example and if He is to be our example, we need to spend time with Him. "He who says he abides in Him ought also to walk just as He walked" (1 John 2:6, NKJV). It's obvious that we need to abide in Jesus when serve others, but it's also a personal thing. To put it simply, ministry aside, if I dry up spiritually, I'm a goner. Even if I was living on an island totally by myself, I would still desperately need that source of Living Water daily. Now, add ministry to the mix, and I'm 100 times as desperate to have my cup filled.
-Byron & Emily (We collaborated on this one!)
If you have "mistakes" you'd like to add, feel free to comment below! May we all walk closer to the Lord as we look unto Him!
Blessings,
Byron & Emily
Your mistakes we've noticed or our own? ;) TEASING! And I guess that would qualify as one of my mistakes ;) Good word here...thanks!
ReplyDeleteHaha we can't share all our mistakes in one post or else we'll have nothing to talk about in our next post! Praise the Lord, He doesn't require perfection and gives us all grace :) - B & E
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