Who are you, O great mountain?

Hey everyone,

First of all, I am so thankful for all the messages of encouragement and prayers that Emily and I have received as we are going through this difficult time. I'm sorry that we haven't responded to the emails yet. But know, they are a huge blessing and we're encouraged to know so many of you are praying for us and more importantly, praying for Donetsk.

Things have been extremely discouraging for me this past week. My tendency has always been to pull away from all communication and fellowship while going through difficult times. But the Lord is working on me, showing me that this is not what He has in mind when His children are going through hardships. It's funny that the Lord is teaching me this because last Sunday in Donetsk, as I was teaching through Acts 16, and I was speaking about the importance of fellowship and how the Body of Christ functions. I even used verses like 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ("Therefore encourage one another and build each other up") and Hebrews 10:25 ("And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together"). And now, here I am, going through a very difficult time, wanting to pull away from everything. God has a lot of work to do in me.

So, with that being said, I'm writing this blog so that I can share with my brothers and sisters in Christ what I'm going through, so that I can be encouraged and built up in the Lord through you guys.

Last Thursday, my life was totally rocked as the Lord removed us from Donetsk for the time being. In one day, I left my home, my work, my friends, my church family, and the ministry I had been so focused on. And on top of it all, the pain and uncertainty my beloved country of Ukraine is going through. I can honestly say I've never gone through anything as discouraging and depressing as this in my life.

As we have been in Frankfurt the last few days I've felt totally lost. Questions of doubt, uncertainty, and second guessing are in my mind constantly.

"What are we going to do next? Will we be able to go back to Donetsk? Am I even called to the mission field? Maybe we should have stayed in Donetsk. I totally just gave up on Ukraine. What a failure I am." These are just a few of the thoughts running through my mind - I can't get rid of them.

Then, the spiritual attacks come. Weird dreams, discouraging circumstances as we work on logistics, super expensive food, getting lost in the city and seeing strange and sinful things thrown in our faces, trying to get us to take our eyes off of Jesus.

What in the world is going on?

I was totally ready to be persecuted and suffer for Christ as we stepped out in the mission field. I thought I was prepared for anything that would be thrown my way. But I never would have guessed that by stepping away from the ministry (although just temporarily), would be the one thing that I was completely unprepared for, and it has totally wrecked me.


However, I am so thankful that I serve the true and living God. A God who is in control and sees the big picture and because of this, Jesus has become my only constant. Things don't seem like they are improving (in my personal life and the situation in Donetsk), but in Jesus things are consistent. I thought that taking that initial step out on the mission field was where I learned to live by faith. But little did I know, God still has so much work to do in my life. He is humbling me more than ever. He is showing me how to live in faith and walk in His grace day by day. He is showing me how to live in Him and not the lies and frustrations that the world throws at us.

Finally, I am learning that God is going to do His work in Donetsk with or without me. Of course, my heart longs to be there (2 Timothy 1:4), but the people we have been ministering to there are God's people, not mine. They are in God's hands. He is going to take care of them. This is a very comforting reminder for me to rest in.

"The Lord is good. A stronghold in the day of trouble. And He knows those who trust in Him" Nahum 1:7

I have been so blessed by God's Word the past couple days. Just reading and being encouraged and strengthened by Him. God has a revealed to me in a whole new and real way the words of Jesus in 2 Corinthians 12:9 ("My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness"). His grace is enough! What an amazing promise that we can live in!

It's truly amazing to see how God speaks through His word. Here a few more passages that have encouraged me greatly this week:

"Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord of hosts. Who are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain! And he shall bring forth the capstone with shouts of 'grace, grace to it!" Zechariah 4:6-7

"If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me" Psalm 139:9-10

"For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable" Romans 11:29

"In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge" Proverbs 14:26


Blessings,
Byron