Emily's Testimony

I was diagnosed with type one diabetes when I was four years old.

Usually, when I tell people this for the first time, they're either surprised, or sometimes they let out a small gasp (if they're a parent of small children), or sometimes it finally clicks that I don't keep a pager with me 24/7, but I have an insulin pump (that's my favorite response). 

I don't actually remember much from when I was first diagnosed, so most of the story is from what my parents have told me over the years. However, I do remember being on an elevator at Children's Hospital, which had a pink light in the ceiling, and I remember sitting on an examination table, after receiving what felt like my millionth shot of the day, and asking my dad to please make the pain stop. Because, for all of you dads, and daddy's girls reading, you know that dads are supposed to always be able to make things better, even if it's the worst situation or circumstance. But, no matter how desperately my dad wanted to rescue me, there was nothing that he could do.

I had started getting sick before my fourth birthday. I started wetting the bed, something that I had never done in my life. I refused to eat. I was thirsty all the time. I lost a significant amount of weight. All things that are classic symptoms of type one diabetes. But, if you don't know to look for those things, why would you? My parents thought it was the flu, which made sense because after a little while, all of my symptoms disappeared. 

Now, we know the "symptoms disappearing for a period of time phenomenon" is called the "Honeymoon Phase." This happens when your body gives its last push to make insulin, and eventually ends with full on, undeniable, incurable diabetes. My body pushed for about a month, which brought me to Christmas. I started to get really sick this time, so my parents took me to the doctors. My family had just changed insurance companies and had to get a new pediatrician. So, praise the Lord, I was seen by Dr. Roos for the first time in my life, and Dr Roos had type one diabetes too. He knew what was wrong with me the moment he heard my symptoms, and that was the end of that. 

Can't we do more tests? My parents begged.

Should we get a second opinions? My parents hoped. 

My grandpa and I (age 3-4)

But Dr. Roos was clear, and he was right. She has diabetes, and there's nothing you can do for her except take her to the hospital right away.

After a year passed from the time I was first diagnosed, I still didn't understand why my parents insisted on giving me shots all the time. They would apologize, they would try to explain it, they would beg me to understand, but no matter what, I didn't understand and I hated diabetes. 

I remember, when I was five, I made the connection between eating and getting a shot. So, I decided to refuse food, or sneak food and hide in places around the house so that my parents wouldn't see me eating. Anything to get away from the shots. But it didn't last long. Eventually, I would get hungry and have to eat, or my mom would find my hiding place - I was never very good at hide and seek.

My parents were, and are, amazing, God fearing people, and through everything, they always pointed me back to Jesus. And when I would cry and scream, why is this happening to me, they would tell me what John 9:1-3 said:

"Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' Jesus answered, 'Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him" (NKJV).

So, I held onto those words, and I learned how to grow up.

But when I was six, I began to fear that I couldn't do much with my life because of being a diabetic. One day, my church had a missionary that served in Africa come and speak. At the end of his message, he asked if anyone had questions. I raised my hand before my mom could notice, and he called on me. I asked him if I could be a missionary even though I had diabetes. He told me yes, and he said to never let anyone ever tell me otherwise. With God's help, anything was possible for me.

I tucked this away in my memory, and forgot about it until my mom reminded me of it when I was preparing to move to Ukraine. 

When I was seven, I remember being afraid to go to sleep for the first time in my life. Not because I thought there were monsters, but because I was convinced that if I fell asleep, I'd have a sugar low and die. But, I was always honest with my parents, and I told them my fears. Again, my parents pointed me to Jesus. Cast all of your burdens on Him. I understood what my parents told me, and believed it, because I had accepted Jesus into my life when I was about six years old. And so, even at the early age of seven, I was learning how to depend on God. 

My grandma and I (ages 5-6)

By the time I was eight years old, I had completely come to terms with my diabetes and was able to give myself my own shots, count carbs, and treat low and high blood sugar levels by myself. And life just kept going. I stopped fighting the idea of diabetes. I accepted it. I didn't feel angry. And, I knew that it wasn't a curse, but something that God could use someday - and if He really wanted to, He could even take it away from me.

More and more time passed, and eventually, I was sixteen years old. And, I had just met this gorgeous eighteen year old named Byron. The first time I met Byron, I was convinced I would marry him someday, and luckily for me, I was right! But for some reason, I was terrified of telling Byron that I had diabetes. Taking care of myself was no big deal to me, but being in a relationship with someone, and knowing that they might marry you, and be forced to take care of you was terrifying.

Byron helping me stock up on glucose tablets

After knowing Byron for a month, and becoming really close friends, I started to feel pressure to tell him the truth, that I had diabetes. I knew we could never date if I didn't tell him. Never in my life had I been so afraid to tell someone that I was a diabetic. So finally, I sent him a text and blurted out, "I just need you to know that I'm a diabetic."

Waiting for him to text back was agonizing. And then, my phone buzzed. And the text read, "Oh really? Cool. I had a diabetic cat one time."

And that was it! Of course, this made me laugh, and I realized that Byron was one of those guys that can make you laugh, even when you felt like you were about to cry, or completely fall apart. And I knew he was the one. We started to date shortly after I told him about my diabetes, and eventually, we got engaged. After being engaged for two weeks, we boarded a plane and headed for Ukraine on our first missions' trip together, which started a whole new chapter in our lives. 

However, flying to Ukraine in 2008, right after Byron and I had gotten engaged, wasn't the first time I had thought about Ukraine.

When I was a child, I had a near obsession with the slavic part of the world. I remember going to the library and searching to find Russian fairytales translated into English. When I had grown a little older, and I understood geography, I began to learn the differences between all of the former Soviet Union countries. By the time I was 10, I was obsessed with learning about the Bolshevik Revolution, and my friends and I would pretend like we were the Romanov sisters, and take turns pretending to be Princess Anastasia. Even in the midst of my childhood silliness, I was acutely aware that the former Soviet Union countries had been closed off from the Gospel for some time, and I would often tell people that when I grew up, I wanted to be a missionary in a Russian speaking country. 

By the time I was 12, I realized that to be a missionary in a Russian speaking country, I probably needed to learn how to speak Russian...

I begged my parents to find me a Russian teacher, but they wanted me to learn something more practical, like Spanish (For my Ukrainian friends reading, there is a very large Spanish speaking community in Colorado, much larger than the Russian speaking community, so, generally speaking, it's wiser to learn Spanish if you plan on staying in Colorado for your whole life.). But, I refused to accept that. I wanted to learn Russian. I was determined to learn Russian. 

Finally, by the time I was 15, my parents caved. They found me a Russian tutor and I began to learn Russian. But, my high school years were dark years for me. I went through a lot of really difficult things, and even went through a phase where I hated Christians and the Church, and I decided that I could be a Christian without associating myself with churches or other Christians (If you feel this way, I'd love to talk to you some time. My email address is byronandemilyj@gmail.com). At the time, I didn't think that these feelings were bad, but in actuality, they were, and they caused me to fall away from having a strong relationship with Christ. I was still a Christian, and I still loved God, but I wasn't walking closely with Him. 

Even though I had given myself a little distance from God, I didn't think that my passions and desires would be affected. But, I quickly learned that without God, everything in my life changed. I had fought so hard to have a chance to learn Russian and pursue that calling of being a missionary, but without Christ being a strong part of my life, I didn't have the motivation to study. I became extremely lazy with my language studies, and eventually quit studying Russian all together. I began to replace my God-given ambition and desires with worldly ambition and desires. I obsessed over myself, and really obsessed over boys. Liking boys, hanging out with boys, flirting with boys, dating boys... Boys, boys, boys. But even in my boy craziness, the Lord had a plan for me, and he put Byron in my life when I was only 16. 

Byron and I in highschool

By the time I met Byron, I had completely forgotten about anything Slavic, but the Lord remembered the calling that He had placed on my life. One of the first things Byron said to me after we met was that he had just recently visited Ukraine on a missions' trip, and it was one of the coolest things he'd ever done. 

In that instant, two things happened. (1) I realized that Byron was absolutely gorgeous (I was really boy crazy!) and (2) I remembered that just a year early, and for most of my life, I had a deep, God-given passion for places like Ukraine. I decided it was time to start getting right with the Lord, and started to remember that He should always be my first love.

After Byron and I started dating, I told him more about my past, and my youthful desires. We soon realized that God had possibly called both of us to serve him in Ukraine after we were married, and right after we got engaged, we wanted to go to Ukraine and seek the Lord's will for our lives on a short-term missions' trip. 

Our first trip to Ukraine

And so, one hot, muggy day in 2008, I walked off of a plane, stepped foot onto foreign soil, and instantly felt at home. Our plane had landed in Kiev, Ukraine, and although the airport was nothing special (airports never are!), it seemed special to me. Seeing all the signs in Ukrainian, hearing people speak quickly in a foreign language, watching everything happening around me in a new and curious way, everything sold me on Ukraine. I loved Ukraine. And I knew, at that moment, that God wanted me to someday live in Ukraine. 

God was moving in Byron's heart at that same moment, and we soon realized that God was calling us both to someday come to Ukraine on a permanent basis. 

Time passed quickly for us during that trip. Before we knew it, we were back in the US and planning our wedding. June 13, 2009 eventually came around, and we began our new life together. 

One of my vividest memories from our first month of marriage is praying together before going to sleep. Every night, we'd pray together, asking the Lord if we should move to Ukraine. And for three full years, we continued to pray that prayer. 

Baseball Camp in Ternopil, Ukraine

In the summer of 2012, we decided it was time to act on our prayers. We would visit Ukraine on a "Joshua and Caleb" trip, and either come back to Colorado and announce we were moving to Ukraine, or completely give up on the idea and lay down our roots in Colorado. Once again, we flew to Ukraine and began to seek the Lord. During the trip, we were able to visit a few different cities, and eventually found Ternopil, Ukraine. Praise the Lord, we heard His voice clearly in Ternopil, and we knew that we were supposed to move to Ternopil. As soon as we made it back to Colorado, we announced that we were quitting our jobs, selling everything we owned, and moving to Ternopil, Ukraine. The Lord was so gracious and faithful to us during this time. He provided us with everything we needed and we officially moved to Ternopil on October 3, 2012 (And if you want to read about our moving experience, it's all on here on blog!).

When I first wrote this testimony, I was 24 years old. Back then, I wrote this:

I know that in some ways, I haven't lived a lot of life, but I have lived enough life to know that God's promises are real promises. When He said, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6), He meant it. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a lie. It's a simple If/Then statement. If we will simply trust God, He'll show us what to do. It's as easy as that. And I know that God HAS made my path straight. The only times in my life that were truly terrible were the moments that I chose to spend my time away from God. In all of my fears, in all of my uncertainty, Jesus has ALWAYS come through for me. He's never left me, He's never forsaken me, and with every step, He's shown me where to go.


So, Where do I stand now,?


I'm a few years older, and I can say that I HAVE lived a lot of life now. I'm no longer just a young newlywed going to the mission field for the first time and naively trusting God. I have been through a lot over the last few years. I have followed the Lord's calling to new countries and cities. I've experienced being torn from the city I loved most because of a war. I've fled from rebels that sought to destroy the place I called home. I've experienced the pain of being forced to separate from a girl I considered to be my daughter. I've felt the fears and uncertainty of being homeless. I've had days, weeks, and even months where tears were my only food. And you know what, I still agree with what I said when I was 24 years old.

God is NOT a liar. His promises and words ARE true. I trusted the Lord when my life was good, and I experienced what it was like to trust the Lord when everything around me was completely falling apart and in shambles. And now, I can say that I have a lot of experience under my belt now, and I have seen, with my own eyes, the terrible things that the mankind can do. And with all of that experience and knowledge, I can unequivocally say that I haven't changed my mind.


I haven't changed my mind.


Actually, I can't change my mind...


Because to change my mind would be to turn away from what is TRUE.


God IS good. Jesus IS loving and just. And, even in the middle of a heartbreaking war or the most unimaginable trials, I really truly know, believe, and have experienced, that if I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understandings, and in all my ways, acknowledge Jesus Christ and God as King and Lord, my path WILL be made straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Forever and ever, throughout all victories and all tragedies, I will choose to continually proclaim that Jesus is Lord!

If my testimony says nothing else, I pray it shows the faithfulness of God. Throughout my life, God has always been by my side, and He has always proven to be trustworthy. And in your life, He will do the same for you, if you simply allow Him to dwell within you and beside you.


Blessings,
Emily