With great excitement and thankfulness, we are celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary today! And truthfully, it feels like it's only been days since we got married. 10 years ago, we met for the first time and instantly fell in love. 7 years ago, Byron asked me to be his wife, and I joyfully said "yes!" And 6 years ago, we said "I do," entering into a covenant with each other until death do us part.
Over the last 6 years of marriage, we've had a lot of ups and downs, not necessarily with our marriage, but with circumstances around us... From Byron having to work 2 jobs (one during the day and one at night) to us having to evacuate a war zone, we've really been through a lot. Praise the Lord though, He has sustained us, our marriage, and we can celebrate what today represents - we haven't given up on each other, we haven't gone back on our vows, we haven't turned away from God, and we haven't stopped seeking the Lord.
Because today is our anniversary, we thought it might be interesting to write a post about some things we've discovered are crucial in keeping our marriage healthy while we minister to others. So, if you are married and in full-time ministry, we hope this post will bless you and encourage you as you seek the Lord and love your spouse!
________
1) Don't Stop Dating
Regardless of how easy or hard the week has been, we've found that we really need to go on a date every week. Sometimes, we go out for dinner. Other times, we're too tired to go anywhere, so we get in bed early and watch a movie together. Either way, we've found that making time to still "date" each other is necessary, and it helps us to stay connected and invested in each other's lives. And, it's fun! :)
2) Read the Word and Pray Together Daily
At times, it's much easier to pray and read the Bible by yourself, especially when your day is long and busy. And, we think it's really important to pray and read the Bible by yourself daily, so that you can grow spiritually. We've also found that it becomes easier to put Jesus at the center of our relationship if we are not just reading the Word and praying by ourselves, but we're also doing it as a couple every day. When things go according to plan, we try to spend time in the Word and in prayer by ourselves in the morning, and then we read and pray together before bed.
Ephesians 5:25-26 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word." With that in mind, Byron "washes" me with the Word every evening by reading the Bible aloud to me.
We also always ask each other for prayer requests before praying together. This has been a huge part of our joint spiritual growth. It's easy to pray for your own needs or the needs of others, and then totally forget about your spouse. But by simply sharing prayer requests with one another, it opens up a door for us to share each other's burdens, and then lay them at Jesus' feet in prayer.
3) Serve Together
Of course, it's impossible to always be serving together and doing everything together. However, we feel that whenever it's possible, it's really good for us to find ways to serve together on a regular basis in some type of ministry. Serving together gives us an opportunity to be co-laborers, and helps us to continue growing in unity as we work with a common goal. It's also really cool to serve with your spouse because it gives you an opportunity to see their gifts, their talents, their heart for the Lord, and it gives you an appreciation for who they are as a person.
4) Serve Each Other
It's always a huge temptation to serve in ministry all day, everyday, and then come home and refuse to serve your spouse. When you come home, you're tired, probably hungry, maybe a little bit discouraged, or feeling heavy from a conversation you just had. However, it's absolutely necessary to serve your spouse at home.
1 Timothy 3:4-5 say, "One who rules his own household well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?)."
If we can't serve our spouses at home, when the doors are closed and no one is watching, then we need to stop and look at our lives and figure out why we are hard hearted against serving our spouse.
Byron and I aren't perfect when it comes to this, but we are growing and learning. One of the easiest ways for us to serve each other at home is for me to cook for Byron, and for Byron to do the dishes and clean up after the meal. It's not very time consuming and it's pretty easy to do, but it's seriously a huge blessing to both of us.
5) Stay Above Reproach
I Thessalonians 5:22 says, "Abstain from all appearance of evil."
We have set up safeguards for our marriage because we've seen so many marriages and ministries destroyed because of inappropriate relationships or accusations. With that in mind, we have promised each other to never be alone with the opposite sex. This includes, privately messaging/emailing the opposite sex, being alone in a car with the opposite sex, being home alone with the opposite sex, meeting or hanging out with the opposite sex, or even talking on the phone alone with the opposite sex. This might sound extreme, but after seeing everything that we have seen, with really feel like it's wise. Sometimes this is inconvenient, but we feel like the benefits of this far outweigh the inconvenience.
Maybe you're thinking, "How is that possible with Facebook, etc.? How do you avoid all private messages with the opposite sex?" Well, firstly, we have no private accounts. That way, we can look at each others' messages and emails whenever, and both of our accounts are usually logged into on our phones, so it's easy for us to see what's coming in. Secondly, we're honest, and we tell each other if we are messaging someone of the opposite sex - and if we can't have the thread sent to both of us, we show the message to each other so that it stays on the up and up. Again, it's not always convenient, but it's totally worth it.
6) Have Hobbies
We think it's healthy to have "couple hobbies" and "individual hobbies." Honestly, most of our hobbies are "couple hobbies," because we like to hang out together! We try to keep things interesting by trying new hobbies together (such as running - kind of bust for Emily, but a hit for Byron). Even though we spend the majority of our day together, most of our time is consumed by ministry tasks/work, but it's really important and good to just have fun together sometimes. Currently, our favorite "couple hobby" is practicing Russian together. And our favorite "individual hobby" is reading (for Emily) and running (for Byron). Running was actually meant to be a "couple hobby" but that didn't really work out! :)
7) Be Friends with an "Older" Christian Married Couple
It's awesome when you have a group of young married friends... You are all in the same place in life, you are having similar life experience, you're all just starting to find your place in church, and you're also all at about the same level of wisdom. There are obvious benefits to having Christian married friends that are your own age, but from personal experience, we've found that having a few married Christian couple friends that are older than us is HUGE. Our married friends that are older than us have imparted wisdom on us on multiple occasions and have been able to give us Godly counsel in ways that only an older couple in ministry can give.
Provers 13:20 says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed."
If you're a younger married couple and you don't have any Christian married friends that are 15-20 years older than you, we highly recommend finding some 40-50 year olds to take you under their wings and disciple you, in the Lord, as a couple. We promise, you won't regret it!
8) Don't Perpetuate Bitterness
As a married couple, it's important to tell each other everything - the easy, the hard, the good, the bad. However, as you tell each other everything, we've found, sometimes it's easier to dwell on negative things and bitterness than on forgiveness and joy. One of our older married couple friends (see point #7) gave us some invaluable advice when we first got on the mission field. He said that as a married couple, we can choose to encourage each other to forgive hurts and look toward Jesus, or we spur on each other's anger and bitterness. And, if we push each other towards anger, bitterness, envy, etc. for long enough, we will eventually become disqualified from ministry. Pointing each other towards Christ is always the better option - for ministry and for your marriage.
Being honest is important. Talking about everything is important. But, it's also important to know when "enough is enough," and encourage your spouse to take their grievances to Jesus and forgive.
Ephesians 4:29, 31-32 says, "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. [...] Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
We hope this post finds you blessed and that our married readers will pray about these points and consider them. Also, if you'd like to add to our list, feel free to comment below!
May your marriages be blessed!
Emily and Byron
*Honorable mention to Matt and Jean for talking to us about all of this stuff in pre-marital counseling. You guys did an amazing job preparing us to have a Christ-centered marriage. We love you guys!
Over the last 6 years of marriage, we've had a lot of ups and downs, not necessarily with our marriage, but with circumstances around us... From Byron having to work 2 jobs (one during the day and one at night) to us having to evacuate a war zone, we've really been through a lot. Praise the Lord though, He has sustained us, our marriage, and we can celebrate what today represents - we haven't given up on each other, we haven't gone back on our vows, we haven't turned away from God, and we haven't stopped seeking the Lord.Because today is our anniversary, we thought it might be interesting to write a post about some things we've discovered are crucial in keeping our marriage healthy while we minister to others. So, if you are married and in full-time ministry, we hope this post will bless you and encourage you as you seek the Lord and love your spouse!
________
1) Don't Stop Dating
Regardless of how easy or hard the week has been, we've found that we really need to go on a date every week. Sometimes, we go out for dinner. Other times, we're too tired to go anywhere, so we get in bed early and watch a movie together. Either way, we've found that making time to still "date" each other is necessary, and it helps us to stay connected and invested in each other's lives. And, it's fun! :)2) Read the Word and Pray Together Daily
At times, it's much easier to pray and read the Bible by yourself, especially when your day is long and busy. And, we think it's really important to pray and read the Bible by yourself daily, so that you can grow spiritually. We've also found that it becomes easier to put Jesus at the center of our relationship if we are not just reading the Word and praying by ourselves, but we're also doing it as a couple every day. When things go according to plan, we try to spend time in the Word and in prayer by ourselves in the morning, and then we read and pray together before bed.
Ephesians 5:25-26 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word." With that in mind, Byron "washes" me with the Word every evening by reading the Bible aloud to me.
We also always ask each other for prayer requests before praying together. This has been a huge part of our joint spiritual growth. It's easy to pray for your own needs or the needs of others, and then totally forget about your spouse. But by simply sharing prayer requests with one another, it opens up a door for us to share each other's burdens, and then lay them at Jesus' feet in prayer.
3) Serve Together
Of course, it's impossible to always be serving together and doing everything together. However, we feel that whenever it's possible, it's really good for us to find ways to serve together on a regular basis in some type of ministry. Serving together gives us an opportunity to be co-laborers, and helps us to continue growing in unity as we work with a common goal. It's also really cool to serve with your spouse because it gives you an opportunity to see their gifts, their talents, their heart for the Lord, and it gives you an appreciation for who they are as a person.
4) Serve Each Other
It's always a huge temptation to serve in ministry all day, everyday, and then come home and refuse to serve your spouse. When you come home, you're tired, probably hungry, maybe a little bit discouraged, or feeling heavy from a conversation you just had. However, it's absolutely necessary to serve your spouse at home.
1 Timothy 3:4-5 say, "One who rules his own household well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?)."
If we can't serve our spouses at home, when the doors are closed and no one is watching, then we need to stop and look at our lives and figure out why we are hard hearted against serving our spouse.
Byron and I aren't perfect when it comes to this, but we are growing and learning. One of the easiest ways for us to serve each other at home is for me to cook for Byron, and for Byron to do the dishes and clean up after the meal. It's not very time consuming and it's pretty easy to do, but it's seriously a huge blessing to both of us.
5) Stay Above Reproach
I Thessalonians 5:22 says, "Abstain from all appearance of evil."
We have set up safeguards for our marriage because we've seen so many marriages and ministries destroyed because of inappropriate relationships or accusations. With that in mind, we have promised each other to never be alone with the opposite sex. This includes, privately messaging/emailing the opposite sex, being alone in a car with the opposite sex, being home alone with the opposite sex, meeting or hanging out with the opposite sex, or even talking on the phone alone with the opposite sex. This might sound extreme, but after seeing everything that we have seen, with really feel like it's wise. Sometimes this is inconvenient, but we feel like the benefits of this far outweigh the inconvenience.
Maybe you're thinking, "How is that possible with Facebook, etc.? How do you avoid all private messages with the opposite sex?" Well, firstly, we have no private accounts. That way, we can look at each others' messages and emails whenever, and both of our accounts are usually logged into on our phones, so it's easy for us to see what's coming in. Secondly, we're honest, and we tell each other if we are messaging someone of the opposite sex - and if we can't have the thread sent to both of us, we show the message to each other so that it stays on the up and up. Again, it's not always convenient, but it's totally worth it.
6) Have Hobbies
7) Be Friends with an "Older" Christian Married Couple
It's awesome when you have a group of young married friends... You are all in the same place in life, you are having similar life experience, you're all just starting to find your place in church, and you're also all at about the same level of wisdom. There are obvious benefits to having Christian married friends that are your own age, but from personal experience, we've found that having a few married Christian couple friends that are older than us is HUGE. Our married friends that are older than us have imparted wisdom on us on multiple occasions and have been able to give us Godly counsel in ways that only an older couple in ministry can give.
Provers 13:20 says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed."
If you're a younger married couple and you don't have any Christian married friends that are 15-20 years older than you, we highly recommend finding some 40-50 year olds to take you under their wings and disciple you, in the Lord, as a couple. We promise, you won't regret it!
8) Don't Perpetuate Bitterness
As a married couple, it's important to tell each other everything - the easy, the hard, the good, the bad. However, as you tell each other everything, we've found, sometimes it's easier to dwell on negative things and bitterness than on forgiveness and joy. One of our older married couple friends (see point #7) gave us some invaluable advice when we first got on the mission field. He said that as a married couple, we can choose to encourage each other to forgive hurts and look toward Jesus, or we spur on each other's anger and bitterness. And, if we push each other towards anger, bitterness, envy, etc. for long enough, we will eventually become disqualified from ministry. Pointing each other towards Christ is always the better option - for ministry and for your marriage.Being honest is important. Talking about everything is important. But, it's also important to know when "enough is enough," and encourage your spouse to take their grievances to Jesus and forgive.
Ephesians 4:29, 31-32 says, "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. [...] Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
We hope this post finds you blessed and that our married readers will pray about these points and consider them. Also, if you'd like to add to our list, feel free to comment below!
May your marriages be blessed!
Emily and Byron
*Honorable mention to Matt and Jean for talking to us about all of this stuff in pre-marital counseling. You guys did an amazing job preparing us to have a Christ-centered marriage. We love you guys!
Thank you for this post, you two :) it was truly a blessing to me and I will log these things into my memory for when Jacob and I get married this upcoming year
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Glad you were blessed!
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