When Your Body Fails You

On November 25th, I turned 26 years old.

Leading up to this birthday, I had a lot of thoughts about age, youth, and the direction of my life. Birthdays have a way of making you evaluate your time, what you've done well, and what you've wasted. 

The last few months have been really hard for me in various ways (as you've probably noticed through our blog posts), so it shouldn't surprise me that I found a few gray hairs the night before my birthday - but I have come to terms with the gray, thanks to Solomon's wisdom ("The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, if it is found in the way of righteousness." - Proverbs 16:31). 

Onto my actual birthday though! After everything that's happened the last few months, Byron felt like it would be a really good thing for us to get away for the night and have some good rest for my birthday.

So, on the 24th, we took a bus to Kampala (about 1 1/2 hours away from Entebbe), where we booked a hotel to get away for my birthday. Byron had everything planned out perfectly. But, when we got to the hotel in Kampala, they told us that they were overbooked, and we had been moved to their sister hotel, which was back in Entebbe. I instantly burst into tears. For the next 3 hours, Byron was doing everything he could to work things out, and to keep things from being a total disaster. 

Finally, we were able to cancel our reservation with a minimal fee, and rebooked a different hotel for just a little more money. By this point, I had decided that my birthday was going to be a total bust, but the Lord had other plans!

We arrived at the next hotel, and at this point it's around 4pm on the 24th. As we checked in, the front desk asked us why we were in Kampala, and we said it was for my birthday. Then, they decided to upgrade us to the honeymoon suite for free! All I could do was cry (this is a common response for me these days). I had totally given up on my birthday because it didn't go the way I had hoped it would. But, the Lord had plans for my birthday that were even better than I could have imagined on my own. 

We had a very good, restful night at the hotel, complete with hot water, air conditioning, and a free continental breakfast the next morning, which brings us to the morning of my birthday. I had a great birthday in Kampala - we went to see a movie, we had a nice lunch, and then we decided to get sandwiches and head back to Entebbe. 

As I started to eat my sandwich, it did taste kind of strange, but I just figured it was because it wasn't something I was used to eating. However, it was a vegetarian sandwich, so I figured that even though it tasted weird, it couldn't be that bad. 

Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. 

About 30 minutes later, we were on a bus headed back to Entebbe, and I started to feel dizzy and sweaty. I thought it was just because I was getting motion sick, but even after taking some motion sickness medicine, I was progressively getting sicker and sicker. To make matters worse, there was terrible traffic, and it took us close to 3 hours to get back to Entebbe. 

By the time we got back to Entebbe, I was barely able to walk, my stomach felt so sick. But we still weren't home. We had to take a boda (it's like a taxi motorbike) to get home. I told Byron that I didn't think I could ride home, but he said we had to get home. 

I think I really made the boda driver nervous. I was sitting right behind him, and Byron was sitting behind me. At this point, I felt so sick, I couldn't even hold my head up, and I was basically collapsed against the boda driver's back. He even asked if I needed to go to the hospital, but I told him I just needed to get home. 

We were almost home, maybe 1/8 mile away from home, and I had to tell the boda driver to let me off - I was going to be sick. At that very same moment, the boda broke down. This was easily one of the most embarrassing moments of my life! I was throwing up uncontrollably, while the boda driver was stuck right next to me, trying to get his bike to start so that he could get away from me as quickly as possible. 

It was pretty rough for sure (for those readers with weak stomachs, you might want to stop reading here). 

I was so embarrassed because I throw up really loudly haha (seriously though, it's ridiculous, and I totally can't control it! I could probably enter a competition for how loudly I throw up) and so here's this poor boda driver, trying to get away, probably afraid I just gave him some horrible disease because I was collapsed against his back while we were driving home, and now I'm on the side of the road, throwing up uncontrollably. I threw up all over my shoes, all over the skirt I was wearing, and all over the road. Fortunately, it was a really rainy day the next day, so I never had to see what I left behind haha. 

Finally, the boda driver got his boda to start, and boy did he get out of there fast! And I felt pretty good after I finished throwing up too. I was even able to walk the rest of the way home. And when we got home, the interns had all planned a surprise party for me, full of sweet gifts and a cake! I wasn't able to eat the cake, but I felt so blessed and loved!

But about 30 minutes after getting home, I started to feel sick again. And this time, I felt significantly sicker than I had originally. I started to throw up, but there was nothing left to throw up. And, when I finally stopped throwing up, I had that "thirsty" feeling that you get when you are really dehydrated. I tried to drink some water, but instantly threw it up. At this point, I knew I was in big trouble. 

I started to check my blood sugar more frequently and checking my ketones (For those of you that are unfamiliar with ketones, it's a frequent complication for type 1 diabetics.). My ketones went from negative to large in less than 30 minutes. By this time, it was the middle of the night, and both Byron and I became scared. We were quickly seeing that my diabetes was making things complicated in a way that would require medical help. 

I was getting sicker and sicker as the night went on. The pinnacle of my sickness was when I was so weak, and I couldn't stop throwing up. So, I had to just sit and throw up into a bucket. But, it was a bucket that hadn't been used for some time. I didn't realize it, but there were spiders living around the edge of the bucket. And at the same time, a cockroach (flying of course) almost the size of an iPhone started crawling across the bathroom floor toward me. So, I had spiders crawling down my my legs and a giant cockroach speeding toward me. And all the while, I'm just sitting there with my bucket, throwing up, unable to even call Byron to help me. 

And I just started to cry. It was the only thing I could think to do. And in my mind, I thought to myself, this is what it feels like when your body fails you. When it can no longer do the things that it's supposed to do. I felt betrayed by my body. I felt frustrated by the fact that I was diabetic. I felt useless - how in the world could God use someone as weak as me. 

But isn't it so like the enemy to come to us during our times of distress - to whisper words of discouragement and condemnation in our ears, trying to keep us from hearing the love and encouragement that the Holy Spirit speaks into our hearts.

I felt so helpless. I was so afraid of the spiders on me, but I was so sick, I couldn't even find the energy to kill them. 

As I was whimpering (I didn't have enough strength to even make crying sounds), somehow, Byron heard and came into the bathroom. I didn't even have to explain to him what was happening. He killed the spiders, he cleaned the bucket so that I wouldn't get their webs on my hands, he killed the cockroach, and he encouraged me. 

Although this helped my spirits to life, I was still getting sicker by the hour. By morning, Byron made the decision to take me to the hospital. The Lord blessed me with an amazing doctor that was very familiar with type one diabetes, and knew exactly how to treat me and get my ketones under control. And Byron totally made the right decision too, because shortly after arriving at the hospital, I passed out because I was so dehydrated. 

I received two IVs, one of which had glucose in it, and had multiple tests done to make sure I didn't have anything going on besides food poisoning and high ketones. 

After 5-6 hours at the hospital, I was released and sent back home. It took a full 3 days before I could hold down food, but my ketones were under control and I was able to hold down water. 

The last time I was this sick, it was in college, and I was in America still. Byron and I knew that at some point, because of being diabetic, I would probably become sick like this while we're abroad as missionaries, and it was something we were always afraid of. But we are so encouraged to see how the Lord cared for me through this whole situation. He gave us a doctor with great wisdom and knowledge. He also gave Byron the wisdom to know when enough was enough, and it was time to take me to the hospital.

So, the application part... I'm 26 years old now, and I understand now, more than ever, that my body will never be something I can depend on. I cannot put my faith, hope, or trust in my body. But, where I am weak, the Lord is strong. In the midst of my weakness, He is able to show His amazing power. And the thing that really blows my mind, is that even though I am weak, the Lord wants to use me and to use my life to glorify Him.


It probably sounds like my birthday was a total bust, but it actually wasn't. I saw that I have a husband that loves me and cares for me, and a Heavenly Father that wants to use me and have a close relationship with me, even when I feel like I'm too weak or too worthless to do any good.




And with that, my prayer is that all of us, myself included will continue to faithfully serve the Lord, in sickness and in health, until Jesus calls us home or comes back for us.




Blessings,
Emily