A few days ago, Byron and I went out to dinner at a local pizza place. The pizza there reminds me of when I was in college and I would put pizza sauce and cheese on top of homemade garlic bread (maybe that sounds gross, but I assure you, it's delicious!). The only drawback to a dinner like this is the aftereffects. And similarly, the pizza at our local pizza parlor has enough garlic in the bread to stick with you for days.
So, after dinner, we came home and sat on the couch and began talking about life, God, and our weekly Bible study. As Byron was talking, I put my hand on his shoulder. "Babe," I said nervously, trying to deliver the bad news gently, "I don't know how to say this nicely, so I'll just say it. I can't take you seriously right now because you have horrible garlic breath."
At first, Byron looked a little surprised, and then, the REALLY big news came, "Em, I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but you've had horrible garlic breath all night, I just didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to make you self-conscious."
It's funny... I was so worried about his garlic breath, it didn't even occur to me that I could have garlic breath, OR that my garlic breath could be ten times worse than his. Despite the slight embarrassment, we both laughed about it. Later that night, when I was trying to fall asleep, the Lord reminded me of a Bible verse that I remember my parents making me read growing up, especially when I was picking on my brother:
"'And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from you eye;' and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye'" (Matthew 7:3-5, NKJV).
Self examination isn't fun. I think that's why our tendency, as humans, is to see fault in the people around us, and rarely stop to look at ourselves and confront our own faults. As you can see from the story above, I know this from experience. Especially as a married person. It's so much easier to look for fault in my husband, when really, I'm usually the one causing all of the problems.
Judgement, criticism, pride. Really, that's what it all breaks down to. That's the bottom line. I judge. I criticize, I'm prideful.
Of course, I don't want to be this way. When I wake up in the morning, my first prayer isn't, "I hope I see lots of people today so that I can judge every one of them." It's usually, "I hope I see lots of people today that I can minister to." Unfortunately, good intentions don't always parallel good behavior. And in my imperfection, I often fail. And that's when my prayer has to change. Let me decrease, so that You can increase.
It's a pretty basic idea, but for some reason, it's really difficult to live out. "He [Jesus] must increase, but I [insert your name here] must decrease" (John 3:30). In my flesh, I want to be the biggest. I want to do whatever I feel like doing, I want to be the best and be right. But when I decrease, I want God to be the biggest - the King of my life, the One with the final say. I want to do what He wants me to do. I want to do what He thinks is best. I want Him to always be right. And when's I'm able to be in that place, I no longer find myself caught up in judging or criticizing. I found myself caught up in loving.
My prayer this week has been that God would cleanse my heart, and that He would make known to me any sins that I need to deal with. Needless to say, it's been a rough week. But it's worth it. I don't want sin in my life. I want the things of God in my life. This whole idea reminds me of 1 John 1:6-10:
"If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the fruit is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us" (NKJV).
I'll be the first one to say it. I'm a sinner. I sin all the time. But as I seek Jesus, He helps me to strive for a life without sin. I want to become less so that Jesus will become more in my life. It's a process... But the Lord is faithful to draw near to us as we draw near to Him.
So, maybe we should all eat pizza sometime this week and see if the Lord has something new to teach us :)
Blessings,
Emily
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