Finding My Worth

When I was a teenager, maybe 12 or 13 years old, I really struggled with the idea of worth. And, like most teenage girls, I usually thought I was really worthless. Praise the Lord, He brought me out of that, and I learned how to find my worth in Him - which, when you break it all down, is the only real worth or value that exists in this life, this vapor of existence. It's kind of funny to think about, that real value doesn't come from being great, or wealthy, or important, but it comes from giving up our pride and selfish ambition, and boasting in Christ alone. It almost seems counterintuitive. And yet, it's true. I have worth because I am small and He is great. My life in Jesus gives me worth.

After my angsty teen years, the idea of worth was put to rest. And as I came into adulthood, I had a lot of different things in my life that gave me worth. Actually, it was more than that.. I had lots of different things that gave me an identity. And although Jesus was the underlying reason for all of the things that were in my life that gave me an identity, I now see that I missed the mark with these "things." Somehow, I let them take precedence over Jesus.

I think if I'm honest (and from what I understand about blogging, that's kind of the idea haha), my identity for the last 5ish years has come from Calvary Aurora. I was Mrs. Johnson, the Calvary Christian Academy science teacher. I was the girl on the worship team. I was a junior high leader. I did all of these things because I love Jesus and I wanted to serve Him. It was an outgrowth of my heart. But at some point, they became more than that. And the Lord knew that I needed to come all the way to Ukraine to understand that fact.

Looking back now, and finding myself struggling, once again, with the idea of worth, I have realized that I'm struggling with the idea of worth and identity right now because all of the things that used to give me worth and identify me are now gone, and I've been feeling a little lost.

Today, at our church's prayer meeting, a few tears fell from my eyes. Now that I'm away from everything familiar, and I'm in a place where I really can't survive without help from everyone around me, and I can't really do much service without speaking Ukrainian, I've struggled with feeling like I don't have a lot of value. But, praise the Lord, I heard Him speak to me clearly tonight during prayer... I felt like God was asking me, "When everything is stripped away [which it has been], am I enough for you?"

Back when I used to serve all the time at home, I would have easily said yes, no problem. But it's an easy question to answer when you are doing all the things that make you feel valuable on a regular basis. So, now that I don't have those things anymore, is Jesus really enough for me? Can I really be content? Can I allow Him to be my identify?

Read my next blog on Friday to find out...




Just kidding! Just trying to lighten the mood :)



Even though it's taken me roughly two months to answer that question, I feel like I really can say that Jesus is enough for me. I don't need any other value, or any other identifying thing in my life. I just need Jesus. He is enough for me, and my worth is placed, once again, in Him alone. Jesus is my worth, my value, my identity. And I am so thankful that He allowed me to come to Ukraine, to give up everything familiar, so that I could be completely stripped of all value that's outside of Him.

When it's all said and done, when I'm standing before the thrown of God, answering for my life, I know now that it's not enough to say, "I was on the worship team for you," or "I served in the Junior High group for you," but it is enough to say, "No matter what I was doing, you were enough for me, and so I lived my life for You."



Blessings,
Emily